It was the middle of the night and you couldn’t sleep. You tossed and turned, your mind racing as you tried to make sense of what had just happened. The images kept flashing through your head, over and over again like a movie on replay. You felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and completely alone.
In the days that followed, it was all you could do to get out of bed in the morning. Everything hurt—your body, your mind, your heart. You didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. All you wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and disappear into nothingness.
But eventually, you have to face reality again. The world doesn’t stop turning just because something traumatic has happened to you. So how do you deal with all those overwhelming emotions? How do you start living again?
Venting to friends is normal, especially if you’re dealing with difficult emotions. But if you feel like you’re sharing too much, there are ways to make sure you’re not hurting anyone else.
There are three types of trauma dumps:
1. Emotional dumping – where you vent about things that aren’t necessarily related to your friend. This is common because we don’t want to burden our friends with our problems.
2. Toxic dumping – where you vent and blame others for your feelings. You might say “I’m upset that my boss doesn’t care about me.” Or “My girlfriend dumped me because I didn’t pay attention to her.” These statements show that you’re blaming others for your unhappiness.
3. Healthy dumping – where you vent, but you take responsibility for your actions. For example, “I was really mad at my boyfriend, but he left me because I was being mean to him.”
If you notice that you’re constantly venting, think about whether or not you’re taking ownership of your feelings. If you’re not, consider finding a different way to deal with your stress.
Trauma dumping vs. venting
Venting is a way to express your emotions without hurting yourself or others. Trauma dumping is venturing out into the world without any plan or purpose, and it often leads to hurt feelings.
Do I need to stop sharing about my traumatic experiences?
Sharing about trauma isn’t inherently harmful. In fact, there are many benefits to talking about what we’ve been through. But context matters when deciding whether sharing about trauma is helpful. There are times where sharing about trauma can actually cause harm. And mindfulness helps us recognize triggers and keep ourselves safe.
Mindfulness helps us notice when we’re feeling triggered. We might feel anxious or stressed out when we think about something that happened during our childhood, even though we don’t remember it happening. Or maybe we’re triggered by something that happened to someone else.
We can use mindfulness to understand why we’re feeling upset. This allows us to take steps to change how we react to certain situations. For example, we could learn to better manage our emotions around people who remind us of our parents. If we know that being reminded of our parents makes us feel angry, we can work to develop coping skills like breathing exercises or meditation to calm down.
When we talk about trauma, we often focus on the negative aspects of those events. We tell stories about how awful things were, and we make sure everyone knows exactly what happened. But sometimes, telling our story doesn’t do anyone any good.
For instance, if you shared about a difficult experience with your boss because you want him to treat his employees better, he might be scared off from doing anything nice for fear of getting fired. He might decide to give less money to his workers, or he might just ignore you altogether.
Signs You Might be a Trauma Dumper and How to Stop
Trauma dumps are common among people who experience extreme stress. When people experience trauma, it triggers strong emotions and thoughts. These emotions and thoughts can cause people to feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. If you find yourself feeling like you might be dumping your feelings, here are some signs you might be experiencing a trauma dump.
1. You think about suicide
2. You become angry
3. You blame others for what happened
4. You try to avoid thinking about the trauma
5. You feel guilty about being upset
6. You feel numb
Why Trauma Dumping Can Push People Away
Sharing traumatic stories can help others empathize with what you are going through, but if done too much, it can push people away. If you want to make someone feel better about themselves, consider sharing something positive about yourself. You don’t have to dump on everyone else to do it; just pick one person to focus on.
If you decide to share a story about yourself, try to choose a topic that makes sense for the recipient. For example, if a friend is having trouble paying bills, you could tell her about how you struggled financially growing up. Or if she wants to talk about being bullied, you could share some advice about dealing with bullies.
But if you find yourself in a similar situation, you shouldn’t keep dumping on people until you stop hearing from them. Instead, ask yourself why you are doing it. Do you really want to help them? Is there anything you can do to change things? And if you aren’t sure, maybe you should take a step back and give them space to figure out what they want to do next.
Why do people trauma dump?
Trauma dumping happens in a broader social, political, and cultural context that often gets buried within debates over who’s most insensitive – the person accused of “trauma dumping” or the person who shames the behavior. Those who are suddenly subjected in hearing graphic descriptions of traumatic events often feel violated. They may try to avoid certain types of content on the internet, fearing that it will cause their own latent or unacknowledged trauma.
People who disclose trauma online sometimes receive negative feedback from strangers. Normalization is when people post things about themselves online without considering how those actions might hurt others. There aren’t many options for people who want to discuss trauma.
Tips to Avoid Trauma Dumping
Trauma dumping occurs when someone experiences trauma and immediately seeks out a therapist. This can lead to a lot of unnecessary suffering because it doesn’t take into account how much healing happens over time. Instead, people should wait longer than one month to seek help, according to the American Psychological Association.
The reason why waiting is important is because trauma affects our brains, bodies, and emotions. As we heal, our brain changes and we start to feel better about ourselves. Our bodies also begin to recover. And finally, our emotional state improves. Waiting gives us the chance to experience all three stages of recovery.
Define and respect boundaries
Oversharing in a friendship could be considered a red flag. If someone constantly shares intimate information about themselves without asking permission, it might mean they’re trying to control you. Or maybe they just want to feel closer to you. Either way, there’s no reason to give up your privacy. Here’s why.
Boundaries are important in relationships — especially friendships. They help keep people safe and prevent misunderstandings. But sometimes we forget where our own personal boundaries lie. We start sharing things about ourselves that we shouldn’t. And if you don’t define and respect those boundaries, it could lead to trouble down the road.
The problem with oversharing is that it doesn’t always come off as friendly. When you tell someone something personal, like your deepest thoughts or darkest secrets, it makes you vulnerable. You open yourself up to being hurt. So make sure you know how to set healthy limits.
Seek professional help
If you are experiencing physical pain, it might be time to seek medical attention. In fact, according to the American Cancer Society, nearly half of all cancer patients experience some form of pain during treatment. If you suspect that you have cancer, talk to your doctor about what steps you can take to alleviate your discomfort.
Don’t Ignore Symptoms
Cancer isn’t always easy to detect, especially if you don’t notice any changes in your body. However, many people do experience warning signs that they might have cancer. For example, you might notice blood in your stool, unexplained weight loss, persistent cough, hoarseness, difficulty swallowing, fever, chills, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, mouth sores, skin rashes, or swelling in your lymph nodes. You should see a doctor immediately if you notice any of these symptoms.
Talk To Someone Who Knows How To Help
You should never delay seeking medical advice because you think you are being dramatic or overreacting. Your health care provider is trained to identify potential problems and treat them appropriately. They can also provide information about your diagnosis and recommended treatments.
